Journaling Therapy

:::Disclaimer::: Hear me out – I am just needing some journaling therapy.

I have this mental picture in my head. I’m in an ocean – no land in sight. I’m treading water, but I am getting tired. The only thing above water is my head – from the chin up. It’s getting foggy and dark, there’s even a bit of mist starting to decend upon me, making me grow more and more frantic.

Can I get an AMEN? Do you ever have those days? I’m so thankful that it is just a mental picture and that it is not reality. In reality I am having a bad day. A bad week. A bad month. Aren’t we all there at some point or another? I know I am going thru this to make me stronger. To make me seek out my Creator – God. I also constantly remind myself that no matter how bad I have it, someone has it much worse right now. Some people are starving. Someone is being physically abused. Some one has lost a loved one. Someone has no home, no food, no love. It could be worse, and I pray for those people who are in the valleys.

My day started with a fender bender – my fault. I had taken the morning off to go with Braelyn to her pumpkin patch field trip. We had gotten in the fender bender on the way to her school where we would ride the bus to the patch with her class. I felt like a failure for my daughter. I was instantly flooded with feelings of failure. Not just the failure of the accident, for some reason every failure came to mind. I totally forgot the daddy night at Threeschool this week. I forgot to send Braelyn’s library book back to school on library day, I don’t spend enough quality time with Kyle, I don’t spend enough quality time with the kids, etc… etc…etc… I’m telling you they were FLOODING in. So again – that is when the mental picture of me barely treading water flashed in my mind. Work, school schedules, house, marriage, finances. So much to try to do. Trying to live up to the worlds standard of a mom/wife. Am I alone here – do you all have those days/times/seasons??? There is strength in numbers – just tell me I am not alone! :) So, we missed the bus, but we did make it to the pumpkin patch for most of the trip. I got to stay and have lunch with her and she loved it and she was so sweet and kept telling me I was the best mom – that’s what matters most! She was great and we ended up having a great time! My afternoon at work was totally busy, so that took my mind off of things for a bit! I had a night off from teaching at Wed. night church, which was much needed and Kyle went b/c he had to teach, so he took Braelyn and I just had the younger two. They played great together and I got to do my bible study, which was much needed!

I’m thankful. I’m thankful the accident wasn’t worse. I’m thankful for Braelyn and her attitude. I’m thankful for the Deputy that came. I’m thankful for health, for life, for my family and friends. I couldn’t help but wonder what you are living for if you have no belief in God and heaven. I couldn’t imagine a bad day without some hope. I did know that thru my day I had hope. I a little bit hoped for God to come back right then and there truth be told! If I didn’t know that there was so much more than this life, then I think I’d sink into a deep depression. I love HOPE.

Ok – enough. That was super therapeutic to me. I probably lost everyone who has ever read my blog, but for those of you who made it thru that – WOW. Thanks! I hope I enlightened you a little bit. I enlightened myself at least! ;) Night.

(taken tonight by Selah. Just wanted to prove to everyone that I am still smiling! Might just have a few extra bags under the eyes from random tears thru the day)

MandaKay